When dealing with emotional trauma or verbal abuse, I’ve noticed that many of us are less likely to take a stand for ourselves than we would for physical violence. Obviously when it comes to blows, we want to keep ourselves safe and not be beaten down - but what happens to our strength when it’s all happening in the subconscious realm? I think a part of our acceptance of mental abuse has to do with denial; perhaps because we aren’t able to see any scars or visible bruising, we can defend blindly that I would never let that happen to me state of mind. Yet, when someone is psychologically tearing us apart over time, no matter how subtle, despite our level of recognition, we are stubborn enough to refuse to accept (and believe) that we could be a victim of it. Thus, refusing to accept any form of responsibility, vulnerability, or retaliation. But what is it inside that then further allows us to accept and even defend the person inflicting the pain? We’ve all heard it before - He's really great when it's just the two of us. You don't know her like I do. He's only like this when he drinks. You're only letting the bad stuff stick out in your mind, it's not like I'm going to tell you each and every time he does something nice!
Okay, harp on all you want, sucker! And hey, I’ve been there. I’ve been the friend calling you up in the middle of the night in tears because “we just had another fight”, so I’m the first to admit guilt of prioritizing myself last. I’ll even say I didn’t even have myself on the list to begin with. But I’m wondering, why the fuck do we do that? Where does that lack of self-worth even stem from? Why is it that when love is the highest and strongest and most palpable vibration of energy, we refute the ability to direct it inwards where it should claim its safe haven? After all, it starts internally - we can’t properly share the wealth and spread the love without appropriately loving ourselves first and foremost! Yet I see it time and time again: that self-deprecating fear constantly whispering not to be selfish. After all, you don't deserve it as much as they do. Who do you think you are?
What - the - fuck. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! This endless cycle of self pity, self loathing, and worry that we’ll never be accepted if we finally release and let go of all that exterior showy bullshit and replace it with genuity, authenticity, and self appreciation. We should be celebrating ourselves.
This includes: the tiny wins, the big defeats, the milestones, the miniature moves, the boldness to dress however the hell we want, promotions, graduations, cutting a bad habit like smoking or biting your nails, learning to juggle or speak French, creating your first vlog, selling your first painting, moving out of your parents’ house, buying your own car, changing the tire on that car without any help, filing taxes solo for the first time, adopting a pet, taking a vacation, the list goes on and on and on, endlessly forever.
The point here is: there is so much more to celebrate than we actually celebrate. There doesn’t need to be a different day every other week of the year commemorating pancakes or doughnuts (albeit I am in full support of both of them). There needs to be a daily affirmation and show of gratitude and pride of our own defeats and strengths and wins. Why must we consistently focus on the bad, and accept that as our morning mantra? I wish I was taller. I want to dye my hair. I want smoother skin. I wish I was Behati Prinsloo. I want eyebrows like Cara Delevingne and Brooke Shields had a brow-baby. Right. Obviously, who the fuck wouldn’t? As much as I admire and obsess over these three women in particular, what I appreciate the most is how proudly they roar their independence, individuality, and that “I am a serious badass and I love myself” attitude. That’s what exudes the strongest, which is why we all gravitate to them in the first place! Nobody would even look twice if they were shying away from the camera, unsure of themselves, with extremely low self esteem exuding self-doubt. So why wouldn’t you be worthy enough to be your own best version of yourself? You owe it to yourself, you know. And further to that, why choose to dwell on the fact (or your own self-judgmental perception) that you wish you had tighter thighs and smaller bags beneath your eyes first thing in the morning, instead of appreciating how unique and beautiful and perfect you are? You were brought here with the purpose to love yourself, and achieve anything you want to aim at. Why aim to shoot yourself into the dirt?
I understand the argument that we are less able to see our surroundings when we’re right in the thick of it - but when you’re actually counting the reasons in your head in a Pro/Con list for why you should stay with your partner, it’s time to snap out of it, get a grip, and be a little more objective of yourself and think of life in the bigger-picture sense. Saying things like It's too hard or I don't know how or Where do I start? are just excuses to stay living an abysmal and dismal life. When you say things like hard (I hate this word), you’re actually making it harder on yourself - you are creating the perception that it’s too difficult to even start, or even start to THINK about starting, and then you wind up just telling everyone how hard everything is, wondering why they don’t want to catch up for coffee and listen to you whine and complain anymore. By actively choosing to refuse to acknowledge yourself as an astonishing, sacred beam of light who should be treated with the utmost respect, love, and gratitude, you are doing yourself the biggest disservice of all. I’ll say it again - it starts inside. If you don’t love and cherish yourself, you are setting the standard (not to mention sending off the vibration) for everyone else to treat you like the dirt; and, congratulations, you’ve landed exactly where you aimed, probably wondering why this keeps happening to you, how you always end up here, as if it’s not your fault, and why nobody loves you. And then the same circle continues on and on and on and on, until you’re eighty and angry at the world, likely with scoliosis and some form of cancer. I promise you, the more miserable you choose to make each day, and the more crap you’re willing to put up with and accept as your “Normal”, you are persistently stating your claim that this is what you deserve, and you’re only attracting more and more crap to you.
Which is why when I met a woman who worried herself sick for so many years finally breathed a sigh of relief because “Oh I was just diagnosed with breast cancer, I knew I was going to get it, it runs in my family”, I had to stop her with a serious WTF moment, because why on earth would you exist every single day assuming and almost hoping you would be next in line for this disease?! I couldn’t help but think that if she spent as much energy as she did swimming in the pool of fear and worry, so confident in proving herself right, and instead channeled that toward something productive and positive that she could be proud of, she would be in a completely different physical and mental state right now. She literally manifested her own destiny and built her own reality based off of her own determination - she just chose the negative. Why?! The big underlying problem here, is that no one is aware they are doing it until they “become enlightened” or aware of themselves. Self awareness isn’t top of the charts in most people’s books mainly because the concept itself feels tricky to get the groove of, but with a shift of mindset, the more you practice and accept being vulnerable, aware and objective, the most you’ll get the hang of it and feel comfortable with yourself. But perpetuating the belief that “It’s hard” and “I can’t” will only further cement your determination to stay in the shit pool. And you’ll probably end up happy in some twisted, demonic way that you proved yourself right, secretly hating your life.
Does this sound fun to anyone else?