So recently I received a message in my inbox from one of my followers through Instagram. Over the last year or so we’ve both admired each other’s work, lighting up that little red heart and occasionally sending a comment or two, until this beautiful soul took the time to ask for some advice and really connect. As I read through it, line by line, I felt so touched, and humbled, and astonished… I’ve helped to change someone’s life. That feels incredible, and I’m so honored. But hang on - Who am I to be offering life advice? I had to stop myself there: who is anyone to be offering help? We’re all doing our best at experiencing life. The question more lies in whether we’re actually vulnerable enough in those moments to open up, or “too proud” or uncomfortable in our own accomplishments to really feel worthy of passing on our learnings to help others move forward. She wrote how important it is for people - for women, to be having these types of conversations, and that really stayed with me. This recent feminist revolution that women are taking to really support and lift each other up is so inspiring and important for society. I don’t mean that in the form of the extreme, when I say the F word, I assure you --- I’m not thinking about the chicks who have gone so far to run a marathon with blood flowing freely down their legs. I mean, equally, we are all humans. We are all existing, experimenting, exploring… how do we get so caught up in the self-indulging of shallow wants that we have refused to reach out to one another? In this feminism turnpoint, I’ve seen so many women - famous to friends - be at the forefront of really pushing and motivating one another, saying “I’ve got your back, and you got this!”
I guess as women, we’re naturally thought of to be more vulnerable and open with our emotions in allowing our inner selves to be presented on the outside, whereas men are usually more proud or afraid to expose that to each other so openly. But that’s fine, have it your way - we’ll just continue to extend the olive branches and blow the wind beneath each other’s sails to actually connect on a real scale to support each other along the journey. It’s not a competition. So many go-getters, especially in this City, see everyone else as their competitors who they can’t let get ahead of them. Why not just extend the offer or lend a hand when someone needs it just because it feels good, and maybe - just maybe, that karmic circle that revolves around us all will swing back around and reward you (if you need another reward outside of being kind to others). Just sayin’.
So then we got on the topic of the action of DO-ing. And not just talking about doing, but actually putting thoughts into motion instead of wasting so much time yammering on about it or “figuring out if it’s the right thing” and sitting in an indecisive corner while the world continues to chug ahead around you. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there nervously wondering if you should hop in and go for the ride or stay out of the way of brilliance, ass firmly stuck in the chair. I’ve said it before and I will say it over and over: not choosing is a choice. Not choosing to move forward, to do something else, to stop deciding if you “should” choose, is a choice in and of itself. I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You get a little bit stressed about the rent? That’s gonna come up anyway, you know you’ve had those moments with your ‘regular job’ even though you always say you have it because it’s just meant to pay the bills while you ‘pursue your passion’ (which also leads us all - you, most importantly, to believe that you have to struggle to do what you love). So I say, why not have both? Of course you can keep that boring job if you’re happy enough doing it and you genuinely are making leaps and bounds outside of work. If you’re really advancing yourself creatively doing whatever it is you want to do and you can happily manage both, then Great! Congratulations. I admire you. But if you’re like I was, losing all energy at the end of each work day wondering why you’re still doing it and how it’s gotten this far, I’m genuinely asking: Why don’t you feel you can have a job where you do what you want? Or is it that you feel you don’t deserve it? After all - if you’re going to fuss over finances anyway, you might as well get creative in finding ways to hustle and make it work! Besides, all you’re doing in the meantime is fueling the belief to your subconscious that “I can’t do this” while the negative thoughts circulate your deepest Self and you continue to stay existing on the same level as you did when you had that shitty old job.
I know so many people who fill their lives with: “I should”... “I want to”... “I need to”... “I wish I”... and never leave the end of that sentence without a “but”. And usually, I’d say every time - it’s driven by fear and worry of failing or “not knowing what it’ll be like” because it’s different to what they’ve grown comfortable with (and tired of). So they’d rather stay miserable in the predictable, than flourish in the unknown. These little verbal habits we’ve gotten used to saying really take hold of our mindset on a cellular level, and can be so easily changed to: “I will”, “I am”, and most often, swapping a “but” with an “and”.
When reflecting on it, I can’t think of a time in life so far where I’ve been faced with a choice between staying average, or doing something scary, and wound up feeling like “maybe that wasn’t worth it.” The fear of the What If and “how is this gonna turn out?” has always been rewarded by that exhilarating feeling of adrenaline when you really release and allow yourself the permission to just GO FOR IT! To do whatever it is you want to do to actually free your soul and give your life some serious purpose. Why sit around being bored five out of seven days of the week? To the point where you’re so drained that on your two days off you couldn’t even be bothered to do the laundry or get off the couch? Is. This. A. Life Worth Living? Is this a life on purpose? Are you living it WITH purpose? Are you simply existing on autopilot? No matter which way you look at it, at the end of your life, however much structure and planning and organizing you do, you never have a clue of how it’s going to end up anyway. Curveballs come out of left field, every time. Shit can go sideways in a matter of months, days, minutes - why not quit wasting time doing mundane boring stuff that makes your life feel like Groundhog Day? It moves much too quick to waste time deciding. I feel lucky enough to have had those few key voices suggesting I shut the indecision up and listen to myself.
Sure, being your own cheerleader and fanning your own flames can be tricky, but it doesn’t need to be one of those things you assign the “hard” label. Assuming it’s going to be hard is only going to make it more hard than it ever needs to be. Treat it like a game, like an adventure, like it’s fun, and it will be. And if you’re not going to back yourself, who the hell will? We’re so afraid of being judged or called out for celebrating our wins, that we just become our own enemy. Keep yourself in your own corner, and never feel guilty about that Bragalog, damnit! If you’ve just made major leaps and bounds, HELL YEAH, Go you! Grab a celebratory cocktail with your girlfriends. Did you quit your 9-5 to become a Yoga instructor and travel to India? FUCK YES, time for a relaxing beach day! And tell people about it! Get excited! Never apologize for celebrating those life altering moments where you chose to live a life you’ll love. Be proud of yourself --- I am! Your view of yourself is the perceptively most difficult to sway and let live in the positive; and yet, when you’re determined, zoning in on what you want to do (which is most exciting when it’s something you’ve never ventured into), really amazing things will happen - and you’ll astonish the fuck out of yourself.
Don’t let those friends who think life has a formula in which to live by influence you. Don’t fear the directional change you’ve taken just because most people surrounding you refuse to veer off course. They are not living your life. You are. Your life, your rules. And if you don’t want rules, screw ‘em. Do whatever you want. The more you focus on you and your goals, you’ll start reflecting on all the goals you’re kicking over - which is followed by some serious esteem boosters. Which leads to more motivation. Which leads to more goal-kicking. It’s a vicious circle a hell of a lot more fun than the hamster wheel you were on before! I promise. Quit questioning yourself and instead challenge yourself to have the adventure you WANT. By moving forward and committing to work load for Your Life’s Adventure, you’re now moving your own wheels and creating your own momentum, instead of cranking the gears for another corporate company that doesn’t give you anything in return. This is for You. What’s more important than that?